I didn’t do anything today.
My spine surgery is on Friday, but I can’t get rid of this shooting, numbing pain fast enough. I had a hard time holding my back up today, so I laid down. I watered the plants. I held some of my pets. Today, my body didn’t let me do anything but rest, and I hate it.
I struggle with feeling like I’m just using up space, time, resources, money, and not contributing anything in return. My love language is through gifts and acts of service- things my body hasn’t been letting me do. I struggle with feeling like I’m not worth all the effort that’s required to keep me functioning. My roommates and friends and family do SO MUCH just to help me live day to day; so what do I do in return?
If my best friend was in my situation, I wouldn’t let him say these words. I wouldn’t let him speak to himself the way I sometimes find me speaking to myself. I am not just a portfolio of the things I can offer society. My worth does not come from what I can perform. Love does not have terms and conditions.
LOVE IS NOT A TRANSACTION.
I did nothing today. It’s what I needed to do. I am worthy of love and all the time and resources put into having me here.
I am enough.